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Ever wanted to have your questions on the chaos we call life answered by a real expert on the subject? Then look no further. Lord Voldemort, aka Tom Riddle, has deigned to offer his glorious insight and wisdom to you all. Which, in turn, means you will see flashes of his legendary charm, and acerbic wit. Those of a nervous, tense disposition may wish to look away now. You will, in due course, get the opportunity to email your irrelevant drivel to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but first – as in all things in life – you have to do something painful and unpleasant. You have to read...

The Rules

1. Any and all letters received and used in this column may be subjected to the almighty power of ‘Ye Olde Red Marker Pen’. In other words, expect edits for too-long content, spelling mistakes, or general ‘wtf?!’ moments.
2. Updates may – and most likely will – be infrequent. This depends on two factors. The number of emails received, and the amount of time available to update it. One of these you have some control over. The other you do not. Get over it.
3. The answers to these questions may occasionally take the form of advice. This should not be taken as professional. Especially any comments about wholesale Muggle slaughter or taking over the world. (I feel ashamed that I live in a world where this comment is necessary…)
4. Tom Riddle, a not-for-profit Dark Lord, takes no responsibility for what would happen to anyone dumb enough to ignore the above rule, or any of the others for that matter. Nor do the people responsible for updating this LJ.
5. We know you love Tom. This does not mean you should use his address in any of the ‘someonelovesyou.com’ spam collection lists, or anything of the like.
6. You are writing to a bona-fide Dark Lord. There will be, on occasion, sarcasm, mockery and possibly downright rudeness. Be prepared for this.
7. No profit is being made from this project, and it is intended solely as a work of humour and parody. This is a ‘pleasedontsueme’ production.

Now that you’ve read the rules above, you can send your questions/letters/comments to us at - asktomriddle@gmail.com.

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